Stay Wet
Recently, I was asked what BARRELS & ORGASMS was for me in one word.
I delayed the response and told them I would reply later in the day with that one magical word.
For me, BAO was something that I didn’t even really think about it — rather than planning and strategizing, it was a concept that just happened. For a while, it was solely an emotion, a feeling. Later, it progressed to a concept, a culture, and finally evolved to the two words that defined that culture, that sensation — Barrels and Orgasms.
I’ve had the great fortune to grow up next to the ocean my whole life, the Pacific Ocean, Atlantic Ocean, and Indian Ocean. The ocean is quite literally part of me — I’ve inhaled and exhaled the salty breeze since I came into this world. Both of my parents are humans of the sea, my mama from Hawaii and my papa from Mar del Plata, Argentina. As any loving parents, they wanted the best for me and they knew that their happiest moments came from sharing intimate moments with the ocean. But not only their happiest moments, their scariest and greatest growing moments as well. For them, it’s their home, their religion, their way of life.
I also grew up going to private schools that were extremely religious and close minded, which also conditioned a huge part of my life.* I grew up made to believe that pursuing things like art, music or cooking were inferior. They could only ever be hobbies and were never associated with happiness or any notion of something positive. Having fun was only for certain moments allocated in the day, and playing was only a perk if I was able to finish all my work — it could never be part of a lifestyle or success. Exploring any other sexual concept other than the classic conservative monogamous relationship was deemed unacceptable and any other pursuit would force me to a life of sin. Sex was for after marriage. Same sex relationships were something of the devil and orgasms weren’t ever mentioned. Even in my sex education class in high-school, no one ever taught me what an orgasm was and certainly not how to have one. For the guys it was a bit easier and more socially acceptable to talk about dicks, penises, and jacking off. Up until a few years ago, I was even embarrassed to say that I masturbated. And I didn’t realize that I was embarrassed until one day I was talking with some girlfriends and the words struggled to come out of my mouth. Through my growth, adventuring different sexual experiences, I also realized I was traumatized at the thought of pleasuring myself in front of a sexual companion, partner, friend, one night stand, etc. Since kindergarten, I was taught that competing and comparing myself to others was necessary in life, especially with my best friends in school. And most importantly, that if I wasn’t working hard or doing something that I didn’t love, regardless if I was passionate or not about my work, the end goal was to be successful — make lots of money. And to add to all of that I started kindergarten not knowing a single word of English, along with my twin bother and identical twin sister. So instead of keeping us with the rest of the class, they would send us to a separate room with other students who had learning disabilities. I remember the teachers being somewhat horrified that my parents had spoken to us in spanish at home, even though we lived in the US. As a kid, you’re a sponge, especially if you don’t know how to speak the language, rather than talking, you grow up listening and observing.**
As I grew up, and started making my own mistakes, opinions, and decisions, I realized that there’s a direct correlation between pleasure and success. What provokes pleasure and what is defined by success is one’s personal view on the matter and will always remain relative to one’s own human experiences. When I began to understand that the pursuit of my own pleasure would only be found in my freest moments, unconditioned by society’s expectations, I began to play more. Play in the dictionary is defined as: engaging in activity for enjoyment and recreation rather than a serious or practical purpose. Someone get me the contact for Webster’s Dictionary we need to adjust the definition of where “rather than a serious or practical purpose” appears. Playing and having fun should be considered seriously, of the upmost importance in order to succeed.
In this body of twenty-five years, I’ve been able to live many different lives, I’ve hated myself, seen the bad, I’ve lived my happiness and love for others, I’ve hit rock bottom. But the thing about rock bottom is that there are two options — you stay in rock bottom or you begin to climb back up towards the light. Rock bottom gives you perspective — it makes you truly grateful about having the opportunity turn the page and begin to live life. Begin to live the life that you want, that you’ve always dreamed.
I began to ask myself when I began my journey towards the light again, what truly made makes happy. What makes my body, mind, and spirit feel a sense of pleasure where orgasmic and success coincide. I decided that never would I put my pleasure — whatever that may be — sexual, physical, mental, as a second priority. That I would take playtime seriously.
Never is strong word but sometimes it’s worth it. Never be ashamed to feel pleasure. Never hesitate to question everything. Never do anything that takes away from your pleasure and therefore your success.
Life is short. It’s too short. The only thing we are conditioned by is time. The rest is up to each and everyone of us. Have an orgasm in any sense possible. Or three. Run through the rain naked. Dance under the moonlight. Have a tequila with your friends. Run wild with no destination. Explore. Create. Listen. Take a dip into your own reality.
So what is BAO for me in one word? It’s life.
*I am ever so grateful that my parents always wanted the best for me and both of them worked their asses off to be able to provide what they thought was the best education and learning experience for me.
**I wouldn’t change a single thing about my past because it has formed me in who I am today.